just another rakyat

Heck, I don’t even know what language am I supposed to blog in. I’ve thought long and hard about this and... I haven’t made up my mind. On a practical level, there are pros and cons to writing in either English or Chinese. But more fundamentally, I don’t even know which language I’m more comfortable with. I’m a 兩棲動物, an amphibian, stranded between worlds.

There’s value to bridging different worlds, but I don’t know how to do it either.

I think I’m too much bogged down by my past. I need to convince myself that my opinion article writing days are long over. I suppose I need to start fresh. At a few points in my life I stopped drawing and painting for months and years, and by the time I start drawing again, I was able to reinvent my style, untethered from what worked in the past.

So now I’m trying to find new directions. This will take a while.

What should I write about?

I’m convinced that there is too much serious stuff written out there. Everyone has hot takes for everything. And in between all the shouty opinions, the delicious nuances of life faded away.

There is plenty of value in blogging about one’s personal life and inner thoughts. But my life is pretty mundane. It has to be mundane, because with severe anxiety affecting every facet of my life, I grasp eagerly at mundane moments that to me feels like relief. But that does not make for an interesting life that people might be interested in reading about. (No, I don’t think my anxiety is something I want to write about.)

What about my hobbies? Maybe, at some future point. Right now, while I’m pretty crazy about my houseplants, I have limited space to experiment with. Maybe at some future point, when I’ve space and money for fancy setups and exotic plants and experimentation, I’ll relook into this.

Maybe I’m looking at this all wrong. Everything must start with the why, before thinking about the how.

Why am I writing?

I’ve found that writing is a fantastic way to help me think. It clarifies thought through articulation. Without frequent writing, your mind becomes a muddled mess of barely-formed thoughts and unanchored opinions. Writing is a virtuous process that helps your thoughts become more interesting, which in turn results in more interesting writing, and as a side benefit it also makes you more interesting to talk to.

I guess that there is no other way. If I want to write interesting things...

I need to start writing. About anything. Maybe about everything. Finding my niche and audience can come later.

So. Where do we start?