just another rakyat

「年輕一代都不愛吃豬雜、牛雜了。」年僅三十的友人K深感痛惜。「他們只吃上等的肉。」

身為大馬華裔，這種腔調我已屢聞不鮮。「吃不吃下水料理」逐漸成為長輩看不起新世代的諸多有色鏡片之一，正如吾等龍的傳人向來最愛宣稱「華人能把整頭動物吃得內臟都不剩，不像西方人，只吃最上等的牛扒肉」，並為此驕傲。許多華人甚至覺得，因為歐美人不吃噁心的內臟，他們一定也看不起我們吃的東西，他們覺得我們很下賤！

這種明明是自己在歧視自己，然後還要怪罪到別人頭上。

撇開許多新世代的年輕人依然喜歡吃肥腸牛雜不談，前輩們吃下水也不見得是因為喜歡，而是因為沒有選擇。反之，現在年輕一代吃這些東西通常是因為好吃，不是因為便宜。時代是變了，人們現在可以大口大口吃肉，但買房也比以前更難了，不是嗎？

還有啊，誰說在歐美國家人們就不吃內臟？香腸不就是下水和雜碎做的嗎？大馬華裔當成經濟午餐的午餐肉，不也是從洋人發明的嗎？説洋人不吃內臟的人，只不過是暴露了自己的無知。冰島人從羊頭吃到睪丸，甚至為了蛋白質，連有毒的格林蘭鯊魚也埋進土裡等腐爛發酵了再吃，美國人也把牛的睪丸拿來炸，稱之為 Rocky Mountain Oysters，華人吃這些嗎？

何況華人一旦有錢起來，浪費奢侈的程度可是十分讓人乍舌的。有什麼食物比魚翅更奢侈更浪費？每天都有無數鯊魚被捕撈切除魚翅，然後活生生丟回海裡。有什麼比這更浪費？這好比切除牛的蹄子，然後整條牛就丟掉，好在愛吃牛扒的洋人並沒有我們這麼浪費。

今天譏諷歐美人士不吃內臟的華人，一有了錢，還是會過著奢華而浪費的生活。人一有錢起來，飲食自然就變得不一樣了，在歐美國家，牛扒可不是人人都吃得起，就算是中產階級也不是經常能吃，而在華人地區，現在中產階級都偶爾吃得起魚翅了。

是的，在西方也有浪費和奢侈的一面。在中國我們到處可以找到奢華的酒宴，在西方也自然有許多成天紙醉金迷的富人。但這是階級問題，這是社會變得富裕的副作用，這是人性問題，不是民族文化的問題。與此同時，不論東西多數人還是相當節儉，有創意地善用有限資源，我們把隔夜飯做成炒飯，洋人也一樣經常或天天吃隔夜菜。

杜甫寫道，朱門酒肉臭，路有凍死骨。可見大唐盛世充滿著貧富不均，而今天的東方和西方亦是如此。這，才是問題所在。

而這種「我們過慣了苦日子，所以我們比那些富裕的民族優越」的變態民族主義，說白了不過是對別人的妒忌和對物質的強烈慾望。它只會讓我們把矛頭指向同樣充滿著貧富不均的其他民族，而徹底放過了那些正在壓榨我們的自己人，這可真是笨了。

When I was a kid, I was very close with a Malay girl living right next door. Her parents were approving of our friendship and told her, you see your Chinese neighbour learned to speak Malay, shouldn’t you also be learning to speak Chinese?

Much, much later on, I learnt from my parents that my childhood playmate’s parents were in fact shunned and harassed by the other Malay neighbours for being “too liberal” and “not religious enough”. (They moved away after a few years.)

Some things never really changed.

Heck, I don’t even know what language am I supposed to blog in. I’ve thought long and hard about this and... I haven’t made up my mind. On a practical level, there are pros and cons to writing in either English or Chinese. But more fundamentally, I don’t even know which language I’m more comfortable with. I’m a 兩棲動物, an amphibian, stranded between worlds.

There’s value to bridging different worlds, but I don’t know how to do it either.

I think I’m too much bogged down by my past. I need to convince myself that my opinion article writing days are long over. I suppose I need to start fresh. At a few points in my life I stopped drawing and painting for months and years, and by the time I start drawing again, I was able to reinvent my style, untethered from what worked in the past.

So now I’m trying to find new directions. This will take a while.

What should I write about?

I’m convinced that there is too much serious stuff written out there. Everyone has hot takes for everything. And in between all the shouty opinions, the delicious nuances of life faded away.

There is plenty of value in blogging about one’s personal life and inner thoughts. But my life is pretty mundane. It has to be mundane, because with severe anxiety affecting every facet of my life, I grasp eagerly at mundane moments that to me feels like relief. But that does not make for an interesting life that people might be interested in reading about. (No, I don’t think my anxiety is something I want to write about.)

What about my hobbies? Maybe, at some future point. Right now, while I’m pretty crazy about my houseplants, I have limited space to experiment with. Maybe at some future point, when I’ve space and money for fancy setups and exotic plants and experimentation, I’ll relook into this.

Maybe I’m looking at this all wrong. Everything must start with the why, before thinking about the how.

Why am I writing?

I’ve found that writing is a fantastic way to help me think. It clarifies thought through articulation. Without frequent writing, your mind becomes a muddled mess of barely-formed thoughts and unanchored opinions. Writing is a virtuous process that helps your thoughts become more interesting, which in turn results in more interesting writing, and as a side benefit it also makes you more interesting to talk to.

I guess that there is no other way. If I want to write interesting things...

I need to start writing. About anything. Maybe about everything. Finding my niche and audience can come later.

So. Where do we start?

Spreading our genes is natural, yes, but so is not having kids.

Gender is natural and so is not being confined by gender.

Heterosexuality is natural and so is homosexuality.

We are not slaves to our genes. Nature is not as boring as what some people seem to think, it encourages diversity and experimentation and free will because rigidity results in extinction.

Nature is why the cat is curious even if there a chance curiosity might kill the cat. Because when a cat is bold and willing to explore, it might open up new possibilities – or even the key to survival.

Since Nature has endowed us with the ability to choose for ourselves, let us be free to choose love and happiness even if some people see that as “unnatural”.

Those of us who voted for PH, those of us who voted for PN, those of us who voted for third force, those of us who voted tactically, those of us who voted out of principle, those of us who voted out of fear, those of us who voted out of anger, those who stayed at home because no point voting, politicians who played the race and religion card, politicians who took voters for granted, politicians who worked with sincerity, politicians who split votes, opportunists, idealists, cynics, pessimists, optimists…

Whatever results we see later today, it’ll be our collective karma.

All of us played a role in this.

And that’s democracy for you.

In the dance of progress, big wins shrink in hindsight while small wins grow in silence.

Keep this in mind the next time you celebrate or despair.

Do I believe in an afterlife? No, not that I can.

Do I wish that there’s an afterlife, so that my wife can be happy knowing that her grandma is now in a happy place with Buddha?

Yes, absolutely yes, desperately yes.

Most Malaysians want Malaysia to stay the same. Better, but same.

But, when we are told that they want to change the country into something unrecognizable (whether it’s more Muslim, Malay, Chinese, or “liberal”, we feel the need to impose our values to stop the other side from winning.

And that’s how we get polarized.

And it’s not because all options are equally rotten, but because most people want things differently from you. Compromises exist to manage conflicts.

Turn it into an uncompromising fight and you’ll find very few people on your side.

Why are politicians in feudal societies not ashamed to show off their obscene wealth and power?

I’ve been thinking about this for a while and have came to a realization. I call it the paradox of feudalism.

The more wealthy/powerful/famous a person is perceived to be,

the more others feel in awe,

and the more his/her supporters feel noticed when the leader/person pretends to reach out to the masses = results in higher levels of devotion and support.

If you ask me, this explains why Elon Musk has such a fanatical fan base (the richest man on earth shitposting like a 12-y-o and replying to random tweets from normies is a perfect way to make his supporters feel noticed and why Malaysian politicians seem to enjoy plenty of support despite their ugly display of wealth.

And when they make insensitive comments on Instagram, instead of getting angry at their out-of-touch comments, supporters fall deeper in love because it makes them think wow Bossku makes mistakes just like me, he’s so powerful and rich but still so human. It gives normal people like us the illusion that these powerful gods might reach down to us, connect with us and bring us up to their level if we worship them enough.

Lesson: if you are a politician, don’t hide that expensive Burberry shirt. Show it. Then go jalan-jalan at the pasar a bit or belanja journalists makan KFC a bit and people will fall heads over heels for being visited by such a rich and powerful person, even though what the leader does is not even reaching the bare minimum.

Meanwhile leaders who are humble and not prone to showing off their wealth will have to do actual work and may still not get noticed at all.

Not fair, but that’s the reality.